I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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