Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
