fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
