How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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