i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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