Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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