I heard we made out
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
