I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
