Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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