Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
