and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
