i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
