google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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