i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
be right there i have to get my cape
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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