I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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