That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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