how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
