don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
