I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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