can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
