hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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