GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it hurts more in the daytime
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this will be a night to untag.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
