Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
