i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
