Plan B is the new Plan A
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
