Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
