Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
