I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
