I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize