dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
