Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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