I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
