Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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