I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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