Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
