exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
