youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
