So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
