Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
