my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
