what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
