i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
