i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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