This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
