this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
