I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
