you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
