I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
