I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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