we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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