So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
