all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
