i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she peed on how many people?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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