I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't deserve a penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
