The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
