I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
