I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
