Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
