I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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