You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
