yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
