I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
