is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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