Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
