I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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