i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
