What did we do last night that was yellow?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
