and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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