The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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