I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
