I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
