so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
