ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
