Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hippo gnu deer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
