you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
