My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
