Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize