I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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