I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
