The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
