Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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